Reading Maketh a Full Man...

I recently found out an acquaintance had been diagnosed as being bi-polar. I got this book at the library, and lo and behold found out that having a "borderline personality" is a similar but not same diagnosis as "bi-polar". They are similar conditions, but evidently bi-polar or manic-depressives have swings from one extreme to the other that follow cycles. Inbetween the opposite swings, they can be fairly stable. People with borderline personality condition (BPC) live constantly in a kind of fractured reality. This book was written in 1989, and contained some remarkably apt comments on why people become borderline.At the age of 18 months to 30 months, toddlers learn about object permanence. They learn that their mother can leave, and that she will come back. She exists even when the toddler cannot see her. Their terror when their mother leaves gradually moderates when they learn they have not been abandoned. These months are crucial in the emotional development of children, because if this window is missed or broken up, it causes damage that literally is impossible to repair. Borderline personalities are those children who because of whatever kind of physical or emotional trauma, never develop this kind of object permanence and relational stability. They never develop a healthy sense of "me" and "my mother" (or someone else), and as such remain in the pre-toddler emotional limbo of either being happy that someone is with you.... or distraught because that person has abandoned you and will never come back. From this fractured reality comes the title, "I hate you, Don't leave me". I found out alot of fascinating things about this very dreadful condition. And even more interesting ways to prevent it. Mother's and father's? Stay married and together. Divorce puts unthinkable pressure on young children that they do not have emotional maturity to handle. So the ways their little minds react is to become fractured so as to diffuse the emotional trauma. Divorce also opens up young children to abuse by non-family members who are brought into their lives -- boyfriends, step-dads and step-brothers and step-uncles who are more likely to abuse a child who is not theirs. Thinking about daycare? Don't do it.... children who are not cared for by loving caregivers (parents) risk attachment problems and a damaged ability to create and maintain healthy relationships for the rest of their lives. Now that is something worth asking about when people consider daycare!This is a very worthwhile book. It taught me a great deal about mental issues I knew little about. I leave with this quote, which sums up what someone with borderline personality condition lives with," A borderline suffers a kind of emotional hemophilia; he lacks the clotting mechanism needed to moderate his spurts of feeling. Stimulate a passion, and the borderline emotionally bleeds to death." (pg 8)