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Reading Maketh a Full Man...

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Currently reading

The Discarded Image: An Introduction to Medieval and Renaissance Literature (Canto)
C.S. Lewis
Boys and Girls Learn Differently!: A Guide for Teachers and Parents
Michael Gurian, Terry Trueman, Patricia Henley
Ambition and Survival: Becoming a Poet
Christian Wiman
Deep River: The Life and Music of Robert Shaw
Keith C. Burris
Daring, Trusting Spirit
John De Gruchy
The Vatican Diaries: A Behind-the-Scenes Look at the Power, Personalities, and Politics at the Heart of the Catholic Church
John Thavis
The Whisperers: Private Life in Stalin's Russia
Orlando Figes

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life -  'John Townsend', 'Henry Cloud' I read this book not long after it came out in the 90's. It was worthwhile then, and I found it to be very worthwhile for re-reading. I took some notes while reading, and jotted them down to remember:* Boundaries are like invisible property lines. They define us, what is "me" and what is "not me". This allows ownership of what I "own" (my property) and thus responsibility to care for it. I have freedom to make decisions about my property -- who comes on it, who is not allowed on it; and responsibility to take care of it.* Boundaries allow you to take care of your property and respect the boundaries of others. Boundaries help keep the good in and the bad out. Having boundaries is like putting up a fence around your property. A gate lets things in and out. The fence lets you know how far your responsibility goes and allows you to honor the property of others. People with poor boundaries don't know where their property is, they don't know what they are responsible for, and they let others trespass and intrude where they are not wanted.* You have a boundary problem when you say yes to bad things and no to good things. * We are responsible TO others and FOR ourselves. We are not responsible for another person. We have responsibilities to them. In Galatians 6:2 it says that we are to "carry each other's burdens" and then in verse 5 we are told that "each one should carry his own load". in Greek, the word"burden" means excess burdens or things that weigh us down because they are so heavy. Think "boulder". Also in Greek, the word "load" means cargo or the burden of daily toil. Everyday things we need to do, kind of like a knapsack we carry each day. So we are to help others carry boulders that are too heavy for them to manage. But we are each to carry our own daily knapsack. People with poor boundaries often try to get others to carry their daily knapsack, yet refuse help with their burdensome boulder! * Boundary conflicts almost always come from our growing up years and then bleed into other relationships when we are grown. We can continue to have challenging boundary conflicts with adult siblings who continue to treat you as though you are a child, aging parents who continue to want to "parent" you even though you are grown, etc. * Setting clear and firm boundaries is healthy and indicates maturity. Unclear boundaries stunt your ability to mature and grow both as a person and as a Christian. * Setting boundaries will ALWAYS result in push back of some kind. An aging parent who wants to keep you as a child so they have purpose, will react when you stop allowing yourself to be treated as a child. An adult sibling will react when you start accepting responsibility for your own decisions and not letting them make those decisions for you. So be prepared for these reactions!!* When you set clear boundaries, the poor boundaries of others will be brought more into the open. Letting others be responsible for their own poor boundaries may be the best thing for them, as it may make them want to grow and mature as well.